Being Present

I recently wrote on LinkedIn about how I severed the part of my brain that was forever glued to a device. (As discussed before, I know I should write on LinkedIn more, but I hate it and don’t know who I’m writing for.)

This is a long time coming and something I've tried a few times before. I unsuccessfully tried it in 2018 in Japan, 2020 in lockdown, and on a vacation to Woodstock in 2021, where I was somewhat successful for three days.

There are many reasons why I had to break my phone addiction, and they all have to do with time. Time spent doing rewarding and stress-relieving things. Time spent doing important things. The fact that time is finite, and time spent on the phone seems like a really bad use of time.

Time being not present was perhaps the big kicker for me. How many times was I sucked into a hole on my phone when I could have done something else? How much have I missed?

I thought about this over the weekend and decided to try to quantify it. Let's say I've had a smartphone for exactly 16 years. (I did actually get an Android phone this time in 2009.) Let's say that, on average, I am distracted by my phone unnecessarily 25 times a day. Some days more, some days less, but let's just call this a reasonable 25. That is 16 x 365 x 25, or 146,000. Most of these 146,000 sessions could range from a couple of minutes to a couple of hours in which I could have been present, more aware, and more receptive to interactions with friends and loved ones.

In the lead up to this change, I noticed myself being more withdrawn in my personal life over the last year. I attribute a lot of this (but not all of this) to my chronic usage of a phone, much to the chagrin of those around me.

Though I don’t live in regret, I opted to break my phone addiction for the purpose of being able to move forward and be more present for all moments hereafter. This is especially important with my cat, who has chronic kidney disease. Her timeline is likely shortened at least a little bit due to her disease. And though she has survived two and a half years past when a vet told us to put her down (they were a shitty vet), who knows where she will be in the next 10 years? When time with someone I love is finite, I’m not going to remember all the things I saw online; I’m just going to remember that you spent your time online instead of with someone I love.